


Restoring Hope

by Bodiqua



Category: Law & Order: SVU, Rizzoli & Isles
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-30
Updated: 2019-01-30
Packaged: 2019-10-19 05:34:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17595422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Bodiqua/pseuds/Bodiqua
Summary: Pushing everyone away is better than seeing what you see in the reflection.Jane is on the brink, can Maura look past her own hurt and help the woman she is falling in love with?





	Restoring Hope

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first attempt at fanfic, any and all constructive feedback is welcome. Thank you for reading.

Jane

 

My abdomen gives a deep throbbing ache, enough to pull me from whatever state of unconsciousness I was in, I can feel a frown forming, where the hell am I? Last I remember was a pipe about to be smashed down on me.

I open my eyes and see Maura dozing in a chair near me, oh Gods she is so beautiful, my heart skips a beat just looking at her, I try to roll over so I can watch her some more but a groan escapes my lips before I can stop it, Maura’s eyes fly open, first I can see fear and compassion in them, then once she realizes I am awake that is replaced with fury. 

“Jane” was all she said, it was all she had to say that I knew she was severely pissed at me, and about to give me another lecture, and I deserved it. I try to quip “Fancy meeting you here” nope that was so the wrong thing to say.

“Jane, what is going on with you? This is the fifth time in 2 months you have been in hospital; you only just got cleared for full duty from your last stint here!!” Maura’s voice is stern, but there is an edge of confusion and hurt in it, I know I have hurt her but don’t have the words to explain why. 

“Jane you know I love you, you are my dearest friend, but I can’t do this anymore” she is looking down at her hands as she says this.

My breath hitches, the fear that I have lost her strikes deep. I have been trying to prepare myself for this for the past 4 months, but still wasn’t prepared for her actually saying it. I open my mouth to say something, anything but nothing comes out, If I told her the truth she would be disgusted with me, I close it again and turn my head away so she can’t see the tears in my eyes.

Maura goes into her medical mode and tells me why I am again in hospital “The bullet was thankfully stopped by the vest, however you have a lot of internal bruising, also” Her voice hitches and I look over to see what has caused it. 

She looks into my eyes, hers are filled with sadness “Jane, I am sorry to tell you but you lost the baby” her voice is so gentle, so caring that I want to reach out and caress her cheek then her words hit me like and cement truck

“Hold on…Wait…What??” 

My voice creeps higher in pitch as the implications of this strikes me. I can feel the blood drain from my face, my hands start shaking by body starts to tremble, I am finding it hard to breathe “I was pregnant? No! That can’t have happened!” 

I can feel the panic rising, can feel the disgust churning in my stomach. My voice comes out as a strangled scream

“I was fucking pregnant?!?! NO!!!” 

As that piece of knowledge settles into me my stomach heaves and the pain from my abdomen sends me into oblivion.

 

Maura

 

The waiting room is blessedly quiet where I am waiting to be given permission to re-enter Jane’s room, her reaction to the news has me very confused. Initially I was angry that she hadn’t told me, that she was hiding yet another thing from me, but her reaction, oh her reaction showed me without a doubt she had no knowledge she was pregnant. 

That brings up more questions than it does answers, how could she not know? She used to be so in tune with her body. Granted Jane would prefer a beer and burger to a salad, but she was always aware of what was going on with herself, when did it change?

I sit back and try to think about her behavior over the last 4 months in a more clinical manner, I am lost in thought when her Dr comes over to me

“Dr Isles you can go and see her now”

I smile “Please call me Maura, can you tell me how she is doing?” 

“Only if you will call me Karin “states Dr Chakwas as she sits next to me, she sounds a bit concerned as she tells me

“Jane is lightly sedated and will likely wake within the next hour. She didn’t seem to damage herself any further, but from the sounds of it she had a panic attack from the news about the miscarriage.”

I decline to tell say anything about what Jane was saying just before she fainted and ask “when do you think she can leave?”

“Well I was going to discharge her this afternoon, but am not so sure now. I have seen her in here too frequently recently to feel comfortable with her going home on her own.”

I smile as I look at Karin

“That is easily resolved, she will come and stay at my place. I have plenty of days in lieu owed to me, my team is very proficient, and if anything comes up they can always email or call me. Is she on bed rest, or just light duties?”

Karin looks relieved by this

“I am prescribing ten days medical leave, then a further fourteen days of light duties, I know she will be very unhappy about this, and feel a little sorry that you will bear the brunt of that. I will also be making it clear to her she is only getting discharged into your care, if at any stage, in your medical opinion, you feel she has over done it then she will end up back in here for the entirety of those 24 days.”

“Karin, I have one more question”

I am trying to figure out how to ask this without being indelicate; I give up and just ask “Have you told any of her family about the miscarriage?”

Karin looks at me sharply “No, I told her family about the bruised internal organs, am I to guess you read her chart and that is how you know?”

I look away feeling a little guilty for the invasion of her privacy

“I knew that Jane would minimize to everyone the extent of the damage.” I say knowing it is a weak but honest excuse.

Karin stands up and looks me carefully in the eyes

“You are right she would, and I know you care for her deeply, I also believe she cares deeply for you, I don’t know if you are aware, but you are her emergency contact. Doc…I mean Maura, if you could, could you please find out what is going on with her?”

Karin walks away after saying will be back at 1pm to discharge Jane, and make Jane very aware of the rules of that discharge.

I quickly make arrangements to take 3 weeks away from the office, to put a secondary ME on standby for the call outs, and to let my team know they can contact me at home during that time; I then make my way quietly into Jane’s room.

I can hear Jane’s phone beeping in the drawer beside her, I lift it out to turn it off and notice as I unlock it the screen is a photo of her and I together smiling brightly, Looking from the phone to the women lying in the bed and back again shocked to see the drastic difference between the 2, this photo was only taken six months ago yet the woman on the bed looks like a shadow of the vibrant woman in the picture.

I switch phone off and sit beside the bed I am angry at myself I didn’t see the changes in Jane until looking closely at the picture, I always thought myself an observant person, but her behavior over the last 4 months has made me angry and hurt. 

Up until 4 months ago she would be at my place almost every day, often staying overnight rather than going back to her apartment. Then it suddenly stopped, she would hardly come over, and never invited me to her apartment. She seemed to come up with reasons and excuses as to why she couldn’t spend any time with me. After about 6 weeks of this I stopped asking, I was hurt by the way she pulled away from me. I have tried to keep the relationship professional, but it has been hard, I feel like I have lost my best friend.

I think about how incautious she has been with her actions, this is the 2nd time she has been shot in as many months, then not so long ago she jumped off the Longfellow bridge to save someone, her recklessness and obliviousness was too much for Maura to deal with, watching her best friend make that leap, not knowing if she would ever see her again.

I realise all of Jane’s abnormal behavior started right after she got back from her weekend with Casey, when I dropped her off at the airport she hugged me and kissed me gently on the cheek and told me she needed to talk to me when she got back, with that comment she walked away. That woman never came back I now realise.

Vince Korsak sticks his head in the door and I put my fingers to my lips and nod behind him, checking to make sure Jane is still asleep I head over to let Korsak know what is going on.

“Twenty four days huh, Jane is not going to like that”, though with the way she has been acting recently I am tempted to permanently put her on desk duty.” Commented Vince, I nod in agreement.

“Vince, I have a plan of sorts, but am going to need your help with Angela”

He snorts “You need Cavanaugh for that let me get him down here.”

Vince walks away talking on his phone as I check on Jane

“He will be here in 5 minutes, he was on his way anyway, he is meeting Angela here at 12pm, so might have a few minutes to talk before she gets here.” Says Vince quietly as he stands beside me watching Jane.

“I don’t know what is going on with her Vince, but I am now convinced something drastic happened when she went to see Casey, she was different when she came back to Boston.”

Vince rubs his beard and sighs “In all the time I have known Jane she has never taken more than 3 days off sick of her own fruition, it has always been forced. When she got back she took a whole week, at the time I didn’t think too much of it. Her first morning back after that she came into the bullpen Crowe made one of his typical chauvinistic comments about her not being able to walk properly and she nearly took his head off. I thought she was about to take a swing at him, normally Jane lets his comments slide.”

Vince was about to say something else but Cavanaugh joined us at the door to Jane’s room; I motion them both to the waiting room

“I need your help for at least the next 5 days to try and keep Angela away from Jane.”

I stop for a minute to try and gather my thoughts on how to best proceed with this,

“Good luck with that” Cavanaugh comments “Keeping Angela away from her sick kid is like trying to keep a lioness away from her cubs…”

“Congratulations Cavanaugh, you won a trip for 2 to Washington D.C for 10 days, included in this prize is 9 nights in a 5 star hotel, some spending money, tickets to well some shows and it all includes a plus one” Chuckles Vince

“Unfortunately there is a tight deadline on when you can use it, what do you think Maura?”

Not catching to what Vince was meaning she turned to congratulate Cavanaugh but stopped at the confused look on his face. Seconds tick by and then I realise what Vince means and nod

“Yes that would work well, Sean can you get the time off work?”

“well yes but before I commit to this I would like a decent reason, I know Jane has been in a bit of a funk recently but it is not really as bad as you are making it out to be is it?” Questions Sean Cavanaugh. Vince answers before I get a chance,

“Yes, yes it is, this is more than just a funk but didn’t realise how serious it was until Maura pointed a few things out, but we can’t get into that now, here comes Angela.”

As Sean steps towards Angela I whisper to Vince

“Can you make the arrangements? I will pay for it all, and thank you Vince.”

I watched as Cavanaugh told Angela about the trip and hoped he had the magical ability to sway her into going, fortunately Frankie and Nina turned up and also helped.

Step one complete, now the real obstacle, Jane


End file.
